Mid-life crisis…at 24

I read a magazine article by Suzie Entrata-Abrera on the things that changed when she had her daughters. So that made me thinking…hmmm…what changed when i had Sofia?

• Before, all the good movies never passed without Sonny and I watching it, Saturday night at Eastwood Cinemas, We would often go for a dinner and movie date and a few beers afterwards. Now, I can’ t even remember what the last movie we watched on the big screen (I think, it’s John Tucker, but ‘m not sure) instead, I have memorized all the Barney DVDs and would often get excited every morning when i turn on the TV when I see that it’s wonder pets (it’s sofia’s favorite) on nick jr.

• Before, you just need to ask me, one line of the lyrics of a song, and i would know it by heart (especially those mushy…i-could-cry songs, that they play on wave 89.1) now, I don’t even know what song are currently hit songs, i don’t even know the title of the new songs today, instead, i have memorized all the theme songs of backyardigans, wonder pets, dora, lazytown, etc and loves to sing lullabies, children songs and hum endlessly when sofia’s sleepy na.

• Before, I would know all the cool hang-outs, chill out at the best coffee shops, and eat out at the best and hip restaurants with sonny. We used to go to tagaytay in the middle of the night, on the spur of the moment, when we crave for something. Now, i haven’t even been to trinoma and would just listen to my friends yakiti-yakyak about how fun their gimmick was (with a sad hint that they wished i was with them), instead, we always eat at home, so that Sofia won’t become too overstimulated by the crowd in malls, and i’m scared that she would catch something when we’re out. When we do eat out, I’d look for the restaurant with the smallest crowd (usually the priciest…my poor wallet or we’d go out on a weekday afternoon so that there’ll be less people.

• Before, i love to window-shop, i love to look at different people walking by. Sonny and I would often have coffee and talk about the people around us, we would make up stories about what they’re talking about and laugh ourselves silly. Now, i don’t even have time to look at myself in the mirror instead, Sofia and I would walk around the village, and i would point to the trees and the animals and make silly sounds and this had made me appreciate nature better. i would now notice how big the moon is and how fun it is to feel water splashing around the tub. And sometimes, i think, people may think i’m crazy  because i point at everything for sofia and say something like " What a wonderful color blue!"

• Before, I had a monthly subscription to Cosmopolitan and when i see a book , i would buy it and finish it in a day. Now i only have back issues of smart parenting or working mom magazines (the ones that you can buy for 50 pesos each) i don’t buy any novel book anymore, instead i read "What to expect the first year" over and over again. And all of our books now don’t have small prints and exciting stories, instead, it has a lot of colorful pictures and big letters and a few torn pages with a story meant for a baby’s ears. I have always liked Danielle Steel, but i think i like Margaret Brown Wise better now

• Before, I have always thought that babies are cute, and i would definitely be happy when i have one of my own, When i had sofia, reality struck me, i was a little overwhelmed by dirty diapers, sleepless nights and her cries, but as time went by, i still  think that having a baby is a really special experience in my life. Though i have overcame some of the obstacles like giving a bath to someone who’d always wanna stand up instead of just sitting still, i know a lot more will come…and i guess i’ll be ready to face them all…with a smile on my face and a box of baby wipes in my hand

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come.

Death, it is something that most of us don’t think about often…it’s even not talked about as well…but death is a fact of life, some may call it "a candle that will soon burn down" or that it is essential in the continuity of life itself.

Last Febuary 9, i lost someone very dear to me, a person i have known all my life and loved very much. My tito goody, from my mom’s side, got sick and soon after died of complications. it was very hard for our family to accept what happened. He was just holding Sofia, my baby, during christmas while having a foolish fight with another tito from my dad’s side, they were even saying "bakit?apo mo lang ba to?apo ko din to noh!" Now that he is gone, i remember all the memories i have shared with him, all the laughs and the care that he has shown me. That he was in every part of my life, from childhood, to growing up and having a child of my own, he was there for me.

Moving on…On March 19…we found out that my Tito Jun from my dad’s side was killed by Hit and Run in Pangasinan. We didn’t know that he was killed last saturday while he was out visiting some friends. And if you would ask…he was the same tito having the foolish banter over Sofia with tito goody. He was the one who said that Sofia was his grandchild too… I wasn’t really that close with my tito jun, he had lived in the province and i rarely see him, in fact last christmas was the first and last time i’ve seen him in a very long time, and he was so happy looking at Sofia…

These two people, though very different from each other, has been a very big part of my life growing up. When i had Sofia, tito goody would always look at her while she is sleeping and even carry her outside to my our other relatives and show her to them while they’re drinking liqour. While tito jun would look at her and look at me and tell me that we look alike, to which i would reply, "shempre anak ko yan e." The awe in both their eyes that says, we have another part of the family born…another legacy.

Looking back, though i wish that they’re still here to witness more of my life and my child’s, i really am glad that they have both been a part of Sofia’s life…even if Sofia wouldn’t remember them, i will always remind her of the love i saw in both of my titos’ eyes when they saw her.

To my very dear Tito Goody and Tito Jun… i will miss the laughters, the love and the care we’ve shared. I am saddened that I won’t see you in a long time…but i know that you’re both in GOOD HANDS and in Heaven when you see each other…you’ll laugh and say: "Nom-nom na!"

This is my song for sofia…ang nice…the first time i heard it, tears uncontrollably and unexplainably fell from my eyes…

A mother’s prayer -Celine Dion

I pray you’ll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go

Every mother’s prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she’ll be safe

I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

Every mother’s prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she’ll be safe

Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she’ll be safe

Most Filipinos would remember the day our little Sofia was born…Nov 19, 2006, the day of the Grand Finale when Manny Pacquiao defeated Erick Morales. But we would remember it differently. My birthing story started a day before, Nov 18, 2006, around 1pm, i went to my usual OB-Gyne check-up hoping that somehow the painful IE would verify that i was to give birth soon. You see, it feels like i’ve been waiting forever for sofia to arrive. Finally when my turn came, my OB cheerfully announced "oh…4cm ka na.maglakad lakad ka pa para mag-thin na yung cervix mo, makapal pa e" Thinking that it’s weird that i’m 4cm dilated and my cervix hasn’t effaced yet, i asked her when would i know when it’s time, she said "when you feel contractions that are 3-5mins apart, you can go back here at the hospital" so we went home, went to visit some cousins, and waited till the night for the so-called contractions that never came. The next morning, i woke up at 8:30 feeling the urge to pee…I was thinking to myself "wala pa din…i guess we can still go to sonny’s today" after peeing, i noticed that i was still leaking, that’s when i realized that "omg!eto na yon! my water bag just broke" so i changed, woke sonny up and not wanting to scare him, i said "honey, punta na tayo hospital, nagleleak na amniotic fluid ko" knowing that the only thing he understood was that we have to go to the hospital NOW! On the way to the hospital, i excitedly texted everyone on my contacts list that "my water bag just broke!please pray for sofia’s safe delivery" all these happened without me feeling any pain whatsoever, when we got to the hospital, i was IE-ed again (painfully, i might say) and interview by the resident OB. afterwards, i went to the labor room and waited…and waited…for the labor pains that were supposed to be there…but weren’t. Then finally they decided to induce me with 3units of syntocin and hooked me up to a fetal monitor that showed that whenever i have a contraction my baby’s heartbeat slowed down. That’s when we decided to have a Cesarean delivery, it turns out that Sofia’s umbilical cord was coiled around her neck and her tummy. The funny thing was i wasn’t completely asleep during my operation, i was chatting with the doctors and moving my head all the time. The anesthesiologist even held my head straight and told me "ang daldal-daldal mo, wag ka nga magulo" and to their dismay, i continued talking to them and didn’t stop until Sofia was shown to me. I even asked them what her Apgar score was. Finally, I was stitched up, rolled off to the recovery room where i waited for 6hours lying down while the nurses and other doctors around me were watching the Pacquiao-Morales fight and shouting their lungs out whenever, i supposed, Manny knocked Morales down. After 6hours of waiting i was finally wheeled off to my room given the strict instructions not to talk so i wouldn’t get colicky…which as you all would know would be very hard for me, so when i got to my room and saw everybody, i started telling them my experience in the OR and recovery room and laughed myself to pain… After the initial painless labor and operation, the anesthesia finally wore off…giving me excruciating pain and sleepless nights. I even cried myself to sleep because of the pain and would beg the nurses to give me pain killers. Now here i am, almost two weeks after… writing down my birthing story…thinking…"all the wait…the pain…the itchiness that i feel on my cut abdomen…it was all worth it…looking at Sofia’s sleeping face, smiling at us and making her cute faces…i’ve never felt more blessed..

After several weeks of being called "fat" by friends and
relatives, I decided to grow thick skin and simply ignore people. I’ve been
dieting constantly and trying to exercise a bit and yet the results showed the
contrary. Frustrated and tired, I began noticing my own paunch was growing
to my dismay, to my frayed ego and to my clothing budget. One lazy Saturday,
I raided my closet to rearrange, reorganize and reorder my closet. About 80%
of my pants ended up in a box I marked "Thin Clothes." You know, clothes
that you hope to wear someday, if and when you lose weight. On the upside,
i was able to sell those clothes on eBay.ph, mostly
jeans that would fit beyond my expanding hips.

Surveying my rounding out figure in the mirror - I felt disgusted at what I
saw. Blobby hips, a rounded belly and love handles galore. Was this normal?
I think not. Why was I gaining weight so rapidly? Was I …. dare say
it…pregnant?

I rushed to my trusty Starbucks planner to check the day since my last period.February 14 .
Oh boy…I was on the pill so long (I quit in December), I simply forgot to keep
track of my cycles. That meant that I was….1…2…3..uh 4 weeks late. It
was about time for a trip to the doctor.

Being the cheapskate I am, I went to insurance doctor but still ended up
coughing up P200 for the pregnancy test. Examining it, it looked one of
those over the counter deals, with a white strip that showed a pink line.
One line for negative. Two lines for positive. Mine had two lines!
Ultrasound followed to determine the baby’s age. The Ultrasound sonologist
looked at me, asked if it was my first baby. I nodded numbly, uncomfortable
at having an instrument stuck in my you-know-where. She smiled slightly,
turned the TV monitor to me and said, "Here’s your baby!". I squinted hard
until she pointed out this black dot on the screen. My baby’s a 4-week-old
black dot!

I broke the news to Sonny later that afternoon. Not wanting to disturb him
at work - I resisted all temptation to text him and waited patiently for his
arrival that afternoon. He’s happy…we’ve been wanting to start a family. I
just didn’t realize that it would easier that I thought.

So.

Spread the news!

I’m not fat. I’m pregnant!

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I
said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s
weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love
with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch,
and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse
wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous
experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s
called "falling" in love… because it’s happening TO YOU. People in
love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that ___expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and
happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.
It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely,
phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not
always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies,
instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or
even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse
might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and
your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when
marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness
and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity
is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the
answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies
within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with
someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But
you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a
passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you.
You can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day
out. That’s why we have the ___expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage
work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as
gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right
diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain
habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a
direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable… you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed
a "decision"… not just a feeling.

something nice to read esp for those who are already and soon to be married =)

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My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow…." My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes…. My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I! continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face… Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading… "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk… I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread…. Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone… That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form… flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments…

The choice of a marriage partner should not be
based on"I get a warm,wonderful feeling whenever
we’re together&I want to have that warm wonderful
feeling forever,so let’s go get married" Feelings
have no logic on their own. They need to be
acknowledged but they need considerable
assistance from your brain. Marriage means
choosing the person you will spend the rest of you
life with. This is a very long time to spend with one
person. This person will live with you,eat meals
with you,sleep with you&go on vacation with you.
More important yet,this person will share your
children. You need to choose wisely. The decision
should not be made based on feelings alone. You
need to ask yourself some tough questions. The
decisions have to be made on solid considerations.
Will this person be a good partner?Is she mature
enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look
out for what is best for the family?Is he prepared to
be a good provider?What is his track record?Is he
responsible enough to get a good job&keep it?Will
this person be a good parent?Can you stand the
thought of your children turning out exactly like
this person?They will, you know. Children spend a
lot of time with their parents&consequently pick up
many or most of their parents’ character traits. You
had better like your spouse’s traits a lot because
you will be seeing them again in your children. If
something were to happen to you,would you
completely trust this person,alone,with the task of
raising&forming your children? This is not a
pleasant thought,but it is an important
consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age
with grandchildren gathered around the bed.
Sometimes a parent dies&leaves young children in
the care of the other parent.
If you feel that you would need to be around to
correct or lessen this person’s influence on your
children,then you are considering the wrong
person. Does this person share your faith in God?
God does not give us children so that we can mold
them into the coolest,most popular people in
school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do
that, we need to raise them believing in God&in
His Church. It is tough to do that if only one parent
believes. Saying"this is right and this is wrong&I
want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five"
does not work. Small children ask about eight
zillion questions in a single day. The answers to
those questions go a long way toward forming the
kind of adults they will become. Who will be
answering those questions for your children?
Does this person you are marrying have sexual
self-control?Single people sometimes have this
idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex
festival&that as long as they have each other,they
will never be tempted by other people..Wrong!
There are many times in every marriage when one
partner or the other is sexually unavailable. There
are also times when spouses,just get on each
other’s nerves. At times like this,other people can
seem very appealing. That can be
dangerous,because there are plenty of very
attractive people out there who are willing to make
them available to married men&women.
Do you want someone who has never said "no" to
sex?If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it
won’t be different at forty. Do you want to worry
about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?
What kind of marriage can you have with someone
you couldn’t trust on a business trip?These are
very important questions&if you are not
comfortable with all of the answers, you should
definitely not marry this person.
None if this is to say that feelings play no role at
all in a marriage decision. You don’t have to,"Well,I
suppose that you would make a good
spouse&parent,so even though I don’t particularly
like you I guess I’ll marry you"
You need to be happy&excited about the prospect
of spending your life with someone. Your brain
however must acknowledge that this person is a
good catch. Don’t listen to your heart or head
alone. Wait until your heart and head agree

Was I awake or was it just a dream?
I opened up my eyes and you were with me.
Now you said that you’re leaving, but you’ll be home soon.
It’s never easy being away from you.
One thought boy, I’m all choked up.
There’s something about you, I could never ever get enough.
It’s the way that you move, it’s the smile on your face.
Breaks my heart in two everytime you go away.

I always said I’d never cry over you,
But it’s hard to hold back tears when your fears come true.
I’m sitting here lonely just a missing you, baby come home…
Come home…

Everytime you go away, my heart goes with you.
Everytime you go away, my heart’s torn in two.
Is there something I can say,
Won’t you change the plans you’ve made?
Cause my heart can’t stand the pain.

Everytime, Everytime you go away.

Last night I was sittin’ up in my room.
I know I should be sleeping, but instead I was thinking about you.
I can still hear your voice calling out my name.
I just close my eyes and you’re lying here next to me.

I always said I’d never cry over you,
But it’s hard to hold back tears when your fears come true.
I’m sitting here lonely just a missing you, baby come home…
Come home…

Everytime you go away, my heart goes with you.
Everytime you go away, my heart’s torn in two.
Is there something I can say,
Won’t you change the plans you’ve made?
Cause my heart can’t stand the pain.

I’ve LearneD

that the people you care about most in life are
taken from you too soon